Rough Ride...

It has been awhile since I have been on here...sorry to all of you who are wanting to know what is going on. I am back from Italy, and I am back from India...I can't stand being back, and daily my heart is breaking because daily I am realizing that I was not created to sit by and watch goes on around the world, and because I was not created to be in America.

I am convinced that there is something in my DNA that is created for to things awakening and being in other countries. When I am in the states something inside of me is missing, its being denied. I can honestly say that when I'm in another country I am at my happiest. I am completely happy with nothing to tear that down. In the midst of what might be going on in the country, and what I might be seeing, even though my heart breaks for them and the developing issues at hand, I am the happiest. It is like my heart has found where it belongs.

When I came back to the states I moved to Alabama. I currently reside in a town that has absolutely nothing in it, and for the most part I do not like it one bit. I am doing an internship that is interesting to say the least. I am trying to understand a few things but nonetheless I know the Lord is teaching me and guiding me despite how much I do not like being here.

Since coming back from Italy and India I have been applying for jobs all over the world. I am hoping to obtain a job in Washington, DC or New York City. I am not sure how that will work out or if it will happen but I am being hopefull that it will and that by the first of the year I could be moving to one of those places, or Colarado, Maryland, Florida, Ethiopia, Malaysia, or California. I promise I have applied all over the place, and I am excited about it. I have applied with some amazing NGO's and IGO's that would be wonderful to work for. Im praying something opens up and I can go be with friends in these places for at least a period of my life.

Because I am sure you are wondering, India was absolutely amazing. My heart breaks daily because I am not there in that place with those children and with those people. I absolutely love it. I love it. I want to go back, and there is a strong possibility I might be going back this year.

I traveled to several different orphanages, and found several children I wanted to bring home with me. While I was on this trip my mind would run crazy about ways you could help develop and work to a holistic approach to helping people there especially the children. I am really looking forward to implementing these ideas and to seeing what happens in the near future!

The Demand...

As you know, Im constantly researching and research spurs thoughts, documentaries do the same thing as well. I was watching a forty five minute documentary on Demand, by Share Hope International. In case you do not know, sex trafficking is an extremely large social justice issue today that you see world wide..it is something that ultimately needs to be ended. The issue of trafficking as a whole is something that needs to be worked on. I think of the number of people who are trafficked into the U.S. each year, and I wonder if we are doing our job correctly? What about border control, and documents how are people getting on planes without the proper documents? How do people get into the U.S. without proper documents?



You see, the whole thought behind this is that the reason it is an issue is because of the demand. If there was no demand there would be no need for it. Media plays a huge role in the problem. People do not wake up one morning and say I want to have sex with a girl on the street etc.

Sites that say just barely legal whether it is porn, or it is on a window in another country, the vast majority of the time they are well underage. There are all forms of trafficking whether it is prostitution...just because you think they are prostitute and they are out there because they want to be does not mean that is the life they have chosen for themselves. The vast majority of the time a prostitute is a victim of sex trafficking, and it is hard to leave once they are in not because they do not want to but because they are constantly in debt to the pimp.

When we gain knowledge what do we do with it? How do digest the knowledge than raise awareness about what we have learned? This is a battle I am still fighting. I am still trying to learn what to do about these things, but what I do know is I have a voice, and I am going to share what I learn here and hopefully my thoughts will spark interest and you will begin to learn on your own about what is going on.

Traveling through....

Today was one of the days I have been looking forward to all week. We traveled to several different orphanages to see several different children. These kids were precious, and the smiles were priceless.

I love the moments when the Lord whispers little nuggets to your heart. I wish they would have been for saturday but they weren't. They were reminders of his promises, and of his love. They were little pieces of information that didn't help me understand the circumanstances of things, but that gave me piece about life. I do not understand how one heart can have as much love as it does, but on the flip side how one heart can endure so much pain. I wish I could express into words everything that has been going on inside but I can't, and I'm not sure I would want to. All I know is that being able to love on these kids today was the best part of my week, and being able to love on some kids tomorrow and saturday will be even better!

My heart belongs here...

India has been a one heck of a journey, and I have thrived off of every almost car wreck, off of the beauty of the hearts of the people we encounter, and the children. It has been one of the best weeks I have had.

We finnished up a pastor's conference this evenning, and I can say that the Lord has definitely moved. As much as I might question things, I know that I serve a living God who constantly shows up, and is still doing everything. The services the past few days have been long and intense to say the least. It has been hot and you get sweaty but the people are hungry for more. I definitly believe the fire is falling here. I have seen the Lord deliver people, I have seen them healed, and I have seen the joy in their hearts as they learn about him.

The next few days are going to be extremely exciting. We are headed out to travel throughout the district. We will be going to different orphanages in the area, and Lord willing to the tribal village which are people who are considered to be untouchables. Im definitely excited just to be able to walk with them, shake their hand, and capture a picture if they let me. On Saturday the team and myself will spend the day at the big orphanage up the road with the kids playing and having fun, but we will also be having a service. I am going to be speaking on two things I believe, but Im not a hundred percent sure yet. Im paraying that these children encounter the Lord in a mighty way, and I am believe for some miraculous healings to take place physically and emotionally.

I can tell you this, I do not want to leave this place. There is so much that I want to do here....

What is it....

There is something about the past couple of months that has me turned upside down, wondering and questioning and seeking, and trying to find something. Im not sure what it is...it could be answers, understanding, love, depth to life....I do not know.

Im learning more and more each day and being challenged each day, that Christianity and being a Christian is not what we say it is. I can yell all I want that I am a Christian, but what good does it do to save someone who you do not have a relationship with or who might jump right back into the things they were doing when they walk out of the room. To get someone saved, and think that everything they have struggled with is done, I believe that you are crazy. I do believe in some situations and cases that can happen, but I also know that there is more to this whole thing.

Each day that I spend questioning, researching, and living in another area, is a day closer to realizing a lot. Im realizing that Im not called to be some ordinary missionary who gets up and preaches. That is not my job, that is not where Im meant to be. I am meant for something different and something greater. I know I am supposed to be working in Asia, and Africa. My heart explodes in these places and this where Im the happiest, but I also know it is not typically missionary work that I am supposed to do. I am not supposed to be up preaching, I am suppsed to show the Love of God through day to day things, and show the people who He is through relationship.

I do not know what it is, but I know that the Lord is up to something. Im not satisfied with ordinary, Im not satisfied with easy, Im not satisfied with no answers. I am not satisfied with things the way they are. I want to see things change, I want to see life happen, I want to see freedom, I want to walk out a life of Christianity, Im not sure I want to do it behind a pulpit all the time though.

As Christians, how are we supposed to live? how do we walk out this lifestyle?

India...

India, is one of the countries that has a piece of my heart.

After a long journey, and when I say long I mean long we made it India. Just to give you an idea
of what it looked like I will tell you about the flight itself. I left TN around 11am and drove down to Atlanta, once in Atlanta I spent some time with my brother and my mom. After spending time with them we headed to the airport where we checked in around 6pm, and boarder our plane a little after 9, we had almost a 9 hour flight to London, where we had another 3 hour lay-over and than a 10 hour flight to Chennai. Once we reached Chennai I would love to say that we were at our destination, but sadly enough we were not. We still had an 8-9 hour van ride to where we would be staying. We left Friday evening and arrived here Sunday afternoon.

Once we arrived here we were greated by people throwing flowers on us, and with huge flower necklaces...it was beautiful and almost brought me to tears. We had lunch and spent some time with the kids that afternoon. We brought the kids some candy and silly bands. I must say they love the silly bands but Im not sure they understand that they make different shapes.

Today went out to the town to buy some of the traditional dress, and it was fun to get out. Our bus driver knocked over one the push fruit stands...ooops. Than we came back and chilled out until tonight when we had service with the Pastors.

For me, India has been like coming home. I can not explain everything that is going on in words, nor do I want too explain it. When I was in China, I left a piece of my heart, and knew I would always be back to Asia, and that Asia was my home in many ways. Getting to come back to Asia, but a different part just confirmed that this continent is home, it is where I belong, it is one of the two places on the planet that my heart breaks, and that I am filled with joy. I can not explain it in words nor do I want to. All I want is to be where I belong. I want to fulfill what I am supposed to fulfill.

I am not sure what is going to happen on this trip. There are a lot of things planned, there are a few things Im super excited for and there are a few things I can not wait to do, one of the being spend some good time with the kids for a few days playing volleyball, and maybe even soccer. On Saturday we will be having a kids service with over 100 kids, possibly up to 300 Im not sure...I know Im nervous, because I have been put "in charge" of this thing, and even though I am in charge, I am not the one who is in charge, and there are two things I want to see happen. The first, I want to see relationships built, and I want to see lives transformed with the fire of God falling in miraculous ways.

Im excited to see what happens. I know that tonight the Lord showed up in great ways, and his fire is falling on this country, and that he loves these people. Sometimes it hard to grasp that he is here in the midst of their pain and suffering, and that they are blessed just as I am blessed. What does it mean to be blessed? How does that look? I am still wondering, I am still trying to figure this out. But I know they are, it is just different than what we think it is...at least I think it is. This is the journey. Im on a journey to find something, many things, but Im not sure what.

If you go to this link you can see some pics from this trip thus far...there are a lot, but they are worth a look.
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2087798&id=66500521&l=d11ee09d50

What does it mean to love?

Farewell Rome...

This month has been a month of several things. It has been a month of challenges, and growth. It has been a month of birth and death. It has been a month I will never forget and that has forever changed me.

I came to Rome, Italy thirty-two days ago, and I had no idea what to expect. It was a journey I was embarking on, and I did not know what would happen or how these days would play out. I did not set much of an expectation, and I was content with whatever happened. The first few days I remember wanting to go home because I was not having a great experience, but that soon changed, and over the past thirty two days my world has been changed...and it continuing to change.

How many of you have seen real world? Its about seven people who do not know each other coming to live together for a few months...well lets just say that this past month reminded me of that show. I came to Rome, Italy to live with 20 strangers, with a representation of several different countries (Jamacia, Barbados, Moldova, Georgia, India (Chennai, Goa, Bangladesh), Argentina, Ecuador, Ghana, Kenya, Morocco, Saudi Arabia, Romania . Talk about culture fest...For thirty two days we have lived together, studied together, talked about our faith, and challenged each other. Im forever changed...words can not express the things that have happened, the memories that have been locked away, the laughter I have had. This past month, I extended my family, and I now call the my "non-italian, italy family"

This month new friendships were born. I have grown to love these people. Throughout this trip I have constantly been challenged. My thoughts I have not been able to hold in. My life has been turned upside down. Im learning it is okay to question life, and it is okay to questions God, and it is okay to ask those tough questions and realize you do not have the answers to them. It is okay to be mad at God. One person in particular has challenged me a great deal. This person has been easy to talk with, and has busted out with some random questions and some random moments of laughter. You can never judge a book by its cover. This person will blow your mind away at times with the stories and the things that are said. Its amazing how one person can be so influential, its even more amazing to sit with this person and talk about several different things and have different opinions/views but the same questions of why.

There are times in life when you can not express the feelings you have. Its beautiful, and it is priceless, there are times when a picture can not even grasp the emotions of the moment. I have ahd several of those here and I look forward to having several more of those with these people.
Our time together in Rome is coming to an end. As I said goodbye this morning to two people it did make me a little sad, but one thing I know for sure is we are all connected in more ways than one, and that throughout the next two years these friendships will grow, whether it be through seeing each other at weddings, skype conversations, emails, or getting together in random locations I look forward to it all. I look forward to you challenging me and helping me to grow. Thanks to this town and this program I have some amazing friends.